What a sweet and perfect weekend I had, relaxing, and enjoying some much needed down time. I started subbing a few weeks ago and with raising two toddlers under three, keeping the house clean, cooking meals, and keeping up with my hobbies,, I AM EXHAUSTED. It is almost impossible to keep up with it all.. I tell my husband something’s got to give, but the problem is… I refuse to do it. I tell myself that giving up anything is an admission to failure and a confession that I am not strong enough to take it. I am not only a people pleaser, but an activator who likes to take on as much as I can. I desire perfection. You can imagine how hard it is for me to confess this to you all. But after my 3 hour nap on Sunday, and waking up with a clear, rested mind, I just about gave it all up.
I have spent the last couple of weeks cranky, irritable and frustrated. I realized it’s just not possible. I don’t know if any of you struggle with perfectionism, but it is a daily struggle for me. I want everything to look, be and act perfectly. I have plans and I want everyone and everything to get on board with my expectations. Thank goodness I serve a God who doesn’t expect the same from me. I came to the realization that I expect perfection out of myself as well as my family and that only leaves room for failure.. Where is the grace in that? I love that my Lord expects that I try my best, yet he always leaves lots of room for grace. Do you leave room for grace? With yourself, your family, Your home? Behind every perfect picture is an explosion behind me. Behind every smile is someone who is screaming, “I am exhausted!”. Behind every project and creation, is my hope of achieving my perfect home and ideal life. I am reaching for something I will never achieve. I know there is nothing wrong with trying to reach my goals, or trying my best to take care of my responsibilities, but when it becomes priority in my life, I know I have chosen the wrong path.
Children are such a perfect example of letting go. They live life in every moment not caring what others might think of them. They love to spending time with the people they love – even when their play room looks like a bomb went off. 😉 And I have the best husband who is so patient with my perfection problems. They give me unending amounts of grace and they deserve the same from me.
I am learning to prioritize my days like my kids and know that if I end the day with a sink full of dishes, but had a night of laughter wrestling with my boys before bed, I accomplished more than if I had a sparkling clean kitchen. In addition, I’m learning to allow myself to recover and take time for me. Grace. I give myself grace. And what a sweet thing that is.
I am learning daily of what that means, and trying my best to understand where my priorities should lie, but I know that if I continue to give my desire of perfection to the Lord, he will continue to show me how perfect my imperfect life really is. How perfect is that?
2 Corinthians 12:8-9
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ” My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
~Uniquely and perfectly imperfect Taylor Made